Our creation stories

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#006699" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="137285a1erlcgo.gif"> <div> <FONT SIZE="5" COLOR="#FFCC66" FACE="Arial" ><B>D.O.L.P.H.I.N.S. to Stop Domestic Violence</B></FONT><B>   </B></div> <div> <B> </B><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="D.O.L.P.H.I.N.S. to Stop Domestic Violen"><U><B> Home</B></U></A><B>  |  </B><A HREF="id2.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Who we are"><U>Who we are</U></A>   |   <B>Our creation stories</B>   |   <A HREF="id4.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Events/Calendar"><U>Events/Calendar</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id5.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Newsletters"><U>Newsletters</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id6.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Related Links"><U>Related Links</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id40.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Person to Person"><U>Person to Person</U></A>   |   <A HREF="id16.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Us"><U>Contact Us</U></A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#FFCC66" TEXT="#080000" background="136d2c00dkelyh.gif"> <div> <IMG SRC="140c29b0.gif" border=0 width="194" height="155" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> </td> <td valign="top" height=390 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <I>Our creation stories</I></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div>  <A NAME="we_ve_begun"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A><A HREF="#we_ve_begun_1" TITLE="Our creation stories"><U>We've Begun!!</U></A></div> <bR> <div>  <A NAME="what_s_in_a_name_"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A><A HREF="#whats_in_a_name_" TITLE="Our creation stories"><U>What's in a Name?</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> <A NAME="we_ve_begun_1"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></B><B>We've Begun!!</B></div> <div> <I>Pam Feeser</I></div> <div> <I>D.O.L.P.H.I.N.S. has begun to reach out into our community!  Your support has made this possible.</I></div> <bR> <div> <B>Where it all began </B></div> <div> In 1994 I received an invitation from Judge Donna Miller to attend a gathering to talk about domestic violence.  I was curious.  What does a circuit court judge have to say about domestic violence?  Why does she want to say it to me?   What is she wanting to accomplish?  How did she hear about me and why did she invite me?  </div> <div> When I got to the gathering, I discovered that only clergy had been invited.  As we stood in the courtroom chatting, assistant state attorney's, victim's advocates, the executive director of the local abuse shelter, a deputy sheriff began arriving.  Our curiosity grew.</div> <div> Right on the hour Judge Miller welcomed us and began sharing her story.  Daily she came face to face with victims and their abusers in her courtroom.  Daily she struggled with the heart wrenching knowledge that most of these victims would go back to their abusers almost as soon as they walked out of the courtroom if they hadn't already done so.  Judge Miller wanted our help.</div> <div> She showed us a video, <I>Broken Vows,</I> which tells the stories of six battered women and how their congregations responded to their situations.  The video showed us how religion and the teachings of the church have been misused in ways that perpetuate abuse and gave us positive suggestions on how the church and synagogue can respond in effective and helpful ways to end domestic violence.</div> <div> When the video was finished, no one spoke.  The silence spoke instead as we passed tissues to one another.  I was deeply touched.  Here was this Jewish circuit court judge … swamped with work … taking the time to bring together clergy, the legal system, the justice system, and the service providers because she believed that together we could make a difference.</div> <div> <B>The dialog begins</B></div> <div> We began asking questions.  Can we really make a difference?  How?  What does what we do have to do with what you do?  Is it (domestic violence) really that prevalent in our congregations?  Why don't we see it?  How can you help?  How can we help one another?  What is it that you do anyway?  </div> <bR> <div> We began learning a whole new language.  We began to see and hear what we hadn't been able to before.  They used words like: injunction, provider, clerk of court, arraignment and many others.  It reminded me of how people must often feel when they come to church and we use all that confusing church language.  But we continued.  Trying to communicate, trying to hear.  </div> <bR> <div> We heard startling facts like: Every five years, as a result of domestic violence as many women are killed as the total number of Americans who died in the Vietnam War. (CCAVAW, Inc.)  and 63% of boys ages 11-20 who are incarcerated for murder killed the men who were battering their mothers.  (Buel, 1992)</div> <bR> <div> We shared.  Most clergy have never received even an introduction to domestic violence in their training.  We certainly did not want to perpetuate this evil, but what changes are necessary.  Who will train us that knows what they are talking about both in the world of domestic violence and in the world of religion?          </div> <bR> <div> <B>An invitation extended</B></div> <div> Judge Miller heard our concerns and wanted to find an answer but had none yet.  However, the dialog had begun.  The relationship was beginning to build between secular and sacred.  Let's try to find the answer together, she invited.  She didn't know where this would take us all.  She only knew that it was a journey we needed to take together.</div> <bR> <div> <B>A Vision Stirred</B></div> <div> As the gathering came to a conclusion and the participants were leaving, I kept thinking, "There needs to be a clergyperson working with them.  Someone who understands the struggles of the pastorate and able to provide a bridge.  Someone who wants to learn and can give the time to this that is needed."  I knew many of my colleagues truly cared and wanted to be effective in this fight.  But, I also knew the time and energy restraints of the pastorate.</div> <bR> <div> I went up to Judge Miller and asked if I could start attending the Domestic Violence Task Force meetings in her chambers.  She was elated.  The journey had begun.<FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Wingdings 2" >ó</FONT></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <A HREF="#we_ve_begun" TITLE="Our creation stories"><U>TOP</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <B> <A NAME="whats_in_a_name_"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></B><B>Whats in a name?</B></div> <div> Pam Feeser</div> <div> What does DOLPHINS mean?  This is the question I am asked most often.  How did you come up with that?</div> <div> <B>D</B>ifferent <B>O</B>ptions for <B>L</B>iving <B>P</B>laying and <B>H</B>oping <B>I</B>n <B>N</B>on-violence and <B>S</B>afety, Wow!  Now that's a mouthful.  Have you ever thought about it?  It's something that many of us seem to take for granted.  Yet, for one out of every four persons, this is a seemingly impossible dream.</div> <div> When I was getting prepared to begin my full time ministry in domestic violence, I knew I had to come up with a name.  The right name just seemed to be eluding me for some reason.  One day, I was sitting at the point of the dock at Biscayne National Park not really thinking about anything.  Just sitting there in reflection watching the waters of the Bay and the birds.   All that was in the back of my mind concerning me at the time seemed to be swirling around me.  It began to remind me of sharks swirling before the attack and their prey looking up wondering how to get out.  Then I realized that this must be something like how a victim of domestic violence feels.  Then I saw a dolphin come and guide the prey to safety.  I had read how dolphins have been known to rescue humans in dangerous situations.  Suddenly I realized, I'm the dolphin.  </div> <bR> <div> By using my ability to train others to recognize the signs and symptoms of domestic violence …</div> <div> By helping create networks between clergy and secular providers …</div> <div> By making it ok to talk about domestic violence …</div> <div> By encouraging others to break the silence …</div> <div> By making the connections and providing the support for religious leaders to effectively address domestic violence …</div> <div> By doing all this I and everyone else who participates in this ministry, in any way, become a dolphin helping to guide the victims and abusers choose new options for living, playing and hoping in non-violence and safety. <FONT SIZE="3" COLOR="#000000" FACE="Wingdings 2" >ó</FONT></div> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <A HREF="#we_ve_begun" TITLE="Our creation stories"><U>TOP</U></A>  |   <A HREF="id2_whats_in_a_name.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Who we are"><U>BACK TO "WHO WE ARE"</U></A></div> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>